ReActing

What does it mean to act? And, in relative terms, what does it mean to react? Going back to what I've been taught in Vipassana meditation, acting (in the non-staged sense) is active. Surprise surprise! Therefore, acting involves consciously choosing our ways of being in the world, how each of us acts in a given situation--indeed, in each situation. But what does it mean to react then? Because I had to fight the urge to write "reacts in a given situation" above, there seems to be a conflation of actively chosen actions and reactions. The suffix "re," however, suggests auto-pilot, a doing-over, doing-again way of being in the world. Not very active, all things considered. So my next question: what's the relation of instinct in this battle between acting and reacting? Instinct is, it seems to me, frequently given as an explanation for the most common, socially-accepted reactions. But this doesn't mean that reactions, socially-sanctioned or not, are the best path towards happiness.

One of my challenges, and I suppose that this is a challenge for many people, whether or not they choose to acknowledge it, is being content with the things I have, and moving beyond contentment to appreciate them. But enough with sounding dogmatic. Because I'm often not satisfied and am too rarely grateful, I go out and buy things because the temporary satisfaction of owning one more object is enough for that moment. This past week, I went out and bought myself a meditation cushion to sit on (having been sitting on two too-small cushions when I occasionally did meditate for the past many months). I also bought this beautiful solid bronze Buddha as visible inspiration and a wonderful Nepalese singing bowl to help tune me into a better, more open place. I've promised myself that these are good investments, and the final ones in which I'll indulge for many months. It helps that I can't afford to indulge in more; either way, I need to learn how to save money, and how to restrain my need to acquire. Happiness must come from other sources from here on in.

But, how does this addiction (because, let's face it, it is an addiction) to acquiring stuff relate to reActing? My reaction to nice things that are generally affordable individually is to want to acquire all that are within my physical reach. Okay, it's not actually that bad, but it sometimes feels like it. My reaction is to buy things that I like. I can't afford to let myself keep reacting to a desire to acquire in this way, so my challenge for the month/year/life is to put an end to acquiring things. Aside from needing one more bookshelf and top-ups to my tea collection (because I drink lots of tea, so without topping it up, I'd run out!), I can't think of anything else that I need. I'm challenging myself, initially, to learn to appreciate the things--material and otherwise--that I've been so lucky to have in my life, and to learn, in time, to take real pleasure, even JOY in them. Friends are the easiest way in, for me, to this challenge of appreciating what I have. If I've got no other easy focuses for my gratitude, at least I've got the most amazing human beings to call my friends. I miss many of them, but I also love them. Love has so many versions, but for me it's closely related to an unselfish outpouring of gratitude, respect and compassion. This is what I'm so fortunate to feel towards all those people I call my friends (acquaintances are different, but for them I have at least respect). So friends are my way in to choosing gratitude and love. Choosing is not--it cannot be--reactive, not in the way that I'm meaning it. I'm choosing to ACT, having experienced enough ways, now of being towards others, that I'm aware, much deeper than intellectually, of the results of different ways of re/acting in relation to others so I'm able to choose, with deep enough awareness, to learn to appreciate those things I've got, and am aware that I'm simultaneously choosing to reject the satisfaction that I get from acquiring stuff. I'm on the hunt for deeper happiness; the kind that I will carry in my heart, a happiness that will radiate out of every pore and light up the places, people, experiences I come into contact with. It's well past time that I declare my lofty goal to the world. Acting towards radiant happiness! Ready...set...go!