RetrEat!

I've had a grumpy afternoon: it slushed here all day and I wore the worst possible shoes for the occasion and so played host to two little puddles that came with me to a very pleasant book launch with yummy catered foods. But, trying to focus on the good, today I also gained a very lovely supervisor, with whom I'll begin working next year, and I got to enjoy some very tasty catered food. And the latter got me to thinking about the happy glow that good food generates in my life. This afternoon it made me happy despite my two in-boot puddles!

One of the components of this Blissology way of living--including different yoga routines and meditation focuses for each day of the week--is Food Awareness. The goal here, as I understand it, is to learn to appreciate all the steps between that food's development in nature, its harvest, possibly its transport and mixing with other foods from other sources; essentially, all the steps that have led to it being on your table, about to be consumed by hungry you. Another important dimension of this goal is a focus on "prana," which is yoga-speak for 'life-force,' in your food. Basically, fresh and homemade is the best option here, as I understand it. But term papers are rolling around, others' term papers need marking, the house continues to need cleaning, socializing must happen for my own relative sanity, and somehow I need to make time also to cook as much as I can. Now, don't get me wrong here: I LOVE cooking, baking (first batch of muffins made this past weekend with great success!) but I just don't have the time to cook every meal. So how do I go about being aware of my food? I've resolved to compromise for the time being. Fancy teas from Tealish and good, ideally single-origin chocolate are my main indulgences these days. I can definitely appreciate how much work it must be to harvest tea--back-straining, if not back-breaking, work--and it then needs to be layed out to dry, some of it is cooked in various ways, some is rolled in various ways by hand, some of it is mixed with other deliciousnesses or left in rooms with aromatic plants of many different sorts to perfume it. This I've read about and can appreciate. Single origin chocolate is similarly less complex and absolutely delicious.

I think it's a worthy goal, to appreciate one's food; to make, with a little bit of effort, each feeding also a little retrEat, and I'd like to put the "Eat" into my meals, but, as with many challenges, I have to find my own way in. But good food and drink definitely make me happy, and doing yoga and at least a bit of meditation each day give me a reason to really anticipate waking up. Finally, bit by bit, I'm getting into a habit of being functional and productive (i.e. dishes washed, garbage out, yoga done, 10 mins meditation done, showered, clothes washed, class responses written, etc. in some combination of those) before noon. Adding food appreciation will only continue helping in this "upward spiral." And, for inspiration, here's an image of one of my boyfriend's yummiest specialties: pasta with a homemade tomato-cream sauce. Yum!

ReActing

What does it mean to act? And, in relative terms, what does it mean to react? Going back to what I've been taught in Vipassana meditation, acting (in the non-staged sense) is active. Surprise surprise! Therefore, acting involves consciously choosing our ways of being in the world, how each of us acts in a given situation--indeed, in each situation. But what does it mean to react then? Because I had to fight the urge to write "reacts in a given situation" above, there seems to be a conflation of actively chosen actions and reactions. The suffix "re," however, suggests auto-pilot, a doing-over, doing-again way of being in the world. Not very active, all things considered. So my next question: what's the relation of instinct in this battle between acting and reacting? Instinct is, it seems to me, frequently given as an explanation for the most common, socially-accepted reactions. But this doesn't mean that reactions, socially-sanctioned or not, are the best path towards happiness.

One of my challenges, and I suppose that this is a challenge for many people, whether or not they choose to acknowledge it, is being content with the things I have, and moving beyond contentment to appreciate them. But enough with sounding dogmatic. Because I'm often not satisfied and am too rarely grateful, I go out and buy things because the temporary satisfaction of owning one more object is enough for that moment. This past week, I went out and bought myself a meditation cushion to sit on (having been sitting on two too-small cushions when I occasionally did meditate for the past many months). I also bought this beautiful solid bronze Buddha as visible inspiration and a wonderful Nepalese singing bowl to help tune me into a better, more open place. I've promised myself that these are good investments, and the final ones in which I'll indulge for many months. It helps that I can't afford to indulge in more; either way, I need to learn how to save money, and how to restrain my need to acquire. Happiness must come from other sources from here on in.

But, how does this addiction (because, let's face it, it is an addiction) to acquiring stuff relate to reActing? My reaction to nice things that are generally affordable individually is to want to acquire all that are within my physical reach. Okay, it's not actually that bad, but it sometimes feels like it. My reaction is to buy things that I like. I can't afford to let myself keep reacting to a desire to acquire in this way, so my challenge for the month/year/life is to put an end to acquiring things. Aside from needing one more bookshelf and top-ups to my tea collection (because I drink lots of tea, so without topping it up, I'd run out!), I can't think of anything else that I need. I'm challenging myself, initially, to learn to appreciate the things--material and otherwise--that I've been so lucky to have in my life, and to learn, in time, to take real pleasure, even JOY in them. Friends are the easiest way in, for me, to this challenge of appreciating what I have. If I've got no other easy focuses for my gratitude, at least I've got the most amazing human beings to call my friends. I miss many of them, but I also love them. Love has so many versions, but for me it's closely related to an unselfish outpouring of gratitude, respect and compassion. This is what I'm so fortunate to feel towards all those people I call my friends (acquaintances are different, but for them I have at least respect). So friends are my way in to choosing gratitude and love. Choosing is not--it cannot be--reactive, not in the way that I'm meaning it. I'm choosing to ACT, having experienced enough ways, now of being towards others, that I'm aware, much deeper than intellectually, of the results of different ways of re/acting in relation to others so I'm able to choose, with deep enough awareness, to learn to appreciate those things I've got, and am aware that I'm simultaneously choosing to reject the satisfaction that I get from acquiring stuff. I'm on the hunt for deeper happiness; the kind that I will carry in my heart, a happiness that will radiate out of every pore and light up the places, people, experiences I come into contact with. It's well past time that I declare my lofty goal to the world. Acting towards radiant happiness! Ready...set...go!

Considering Impressions

When I think of impressions, I think of imprints, of printing presses and old-fashioned type-setting.

Latter-day printers would lay down their metal sorts, all backwards, and a piece of paper would be placed on the large folding part of the printer, then to be folded and laid horizontal and flat. An arm would be pushed, which would in turn press a heavy inked plate onto the paper. Voilà, typesetting! Have I mentioned I'm in the first year of my PhD in English? Literary references are like air to me; let me know if it ever makes me too obscure...

Anyways, the impressions that simultaneously jump to mind when I'm musing about old-fashioned printing-related impressions are those impressions that people leave on us. There are, of course, fleeting, constantly evolving daily impressions, there are impressions that last the day, the week, the month, the year, and those that stay with us over many years. This all seems relatively mundane and obvious, right? Well, I think the metaphor of printing machines works well here: the impressions left by people are like those indents left by old metal moveable type on the paper. Not only do these impressions often leave some sort of visible mark (though not always so inky!), but they also press themselves onto some corner of our souls. The older we get, the more pock-marked our souls. Corny? Maybe. But, being human, we need images to help understand each other, as if they exist somehow between me and you because they're visual.

Which impressions have remained with you? Do you notice any common trends when you think of those longest-lasting, or most deeply etched impressions? It seems to me that there's a well of strong emotion attached to each of my deep memories, and that that can be triggered by any sort of event. Buddhist teachings would tell me that, although the cause of any trigger for such emotions and associated memories (or vice versa) appears to be external, that in fact the trigger is in me, that I'm letting myself be triggered. To test this, try sitting still, eyes closed, feeling the breath move in and out of your nostrils. Your mind will wander, but keep gently bringing it back, as and when you can, to that breath inside and beneath your nostrils. Be patient with yourself. Eventually you'll likely feel an itch. Now, steel yourself just this once against scratching it. Man, it takes a lot of effort not to scratch it, right? Well, perhaps each of our emotional triggers are similar. Am I out to lunch? It's late, so I think not. Is it so unreasonable that it all comes down to mental habit patterns? It's time to teach this human some new tricks!

Tomorrow morning I've got my first new trick to try towards this end. I don't know how many of you are into yoga or arts/sciences of happiness, but there's this new project on the market called "Blissology." I shake my head. The name is cornier than anything I've written so far. But I like corn...especially on the cob. Anyways, Blissology is Eoin (pronounced "Ian") Finn's pet project, and the idea is that it's a combination of daily yoga (35-ish or 55-ish mins per day, depending on whether I choose the short or long yoga for that day) and 10-minute long meditation. Each day has its own theme. It has three additional daily focuses (and these are every day). These are three-fold: nature appreciation, food appreciation, and gratitude. To these five Mr. Finn add's one weekly "wild card," which he posts on his website, all in the name of bliss. Sounds pretty blissful, right? I don't want to go on about it until I've given it a week to try each day's yoga+meditation and can give some sort of educated opinion on the subject, so if you want to read more in the interim, visit Eoin Finn's website. But, my DVD set arrived in the mail today, so tomorrow is day 1 for my foray into Blissology! We'll see what impression this combination of good practices, strengthened by the right intentions, does for me. Let us say I hope to be impressed ;)

Visualizing Yggdrasil

This is an image of Yggdrasil from the Mythology Wiki. Of course, there are a plethora of images, but let's begin also with some idea of what this tree looks like! The squirrel on Yggdrasil is Ratatosk, who runs up and down the tree, carrying insults from the eagle at the top of the tree to Nidhogg, the root-gnawing serpent in Niflheim at the bottom (info from The Illustrated Book of Myths). Yggdrasil, according to the Mythology Wiki, connects the nine worlds of Norse mythology.

For good measure, I should point out that there are many Trees of Life from diverse mythological traditions. I love the intricacy of the Norse version, but it is, by no means, unique. The belief in interconnectedness and traditions of nature worship are definitely time-honoured paths towards human wisdom!

Opening Ceremony

I don't consistently make New Year's resolutions, being guided more by necessity than by tradition. This year, I made a set of New Year's resolutions. I spent a year last year living in, and falling in love with, London (UK) and making amazing friends there, and I moved in late August of 2010 to Toronto to study in the PhD program of my dreams. Toronto, however, has proven itself an unfriendly city and I had some fairly major hiccups to enjoying my time here. I miss my amazing people in Vancouver, where I grew up, and in London, which became my second home in the very short space of a year. But I'll be here now for five years (fingers crossed that I jump through all the hoops that are required by the program) so I'm looking to grow some roots here. I've made two amazing friends here, and my boyfriend and I have moved into a great new place. My books are finally unpacked, my meditation mat is out, and I'm embarking on my journey towards happiness. Coming back to my New Year's resolutions...my goal for this year: get happy!

I've been fortunate--extremely fortunate--in my life so far, but I need to learn gratitude, sympathetic joy, and the difference between contentment and happiness. So that's my mission for the year.

I love great food, great literature, Bikram yoga and the stillness that I experience after a particularly wonderful Vipassana and Metta meditation practice. I describe the latter activities as hard-core yoga (an hour and a half in 35 degrees Celsius) and hard-core meditation (10-day silent--aka no communicating with other students--meditation courses are a part of the discipline) to avoid being pigeon-holed, but I've also recently begun looking into other possibilities for developing self-awareness, compassion, and sympathetic joy. I'm in the gathering phase of this journey. I'm also fighting some sort of non-clinical depression, which seems to be far more common that I'd imagined, and I'm optimistic that, through celebrating this journey through food, meditation, yoga, and literature like a Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar, and by recording it here and maybe, over time...dare I say it?...hoping for some sort of interaction in the land of blogs, this space will help to celebrate the experiences of beauty and the struggles along the way.

Now, about the name of this blog. "Yggdrasil" is the name for the Norse tree of life, from which "the High One, the All-Father, the Hooded One, the terrible Spear-Shaker, Odin of the many names, gained the secret of the runes, magic symbols by which men can record and understand their lives." The tree itself is the world tree, a massive ash, with three roots, one in the land of the giants (Jotunheim), one in the land of the gods and the Norns--the Fates--(Asgard), and one in the "dread realm" (Niflheim) of the serpent that constantly gnaws it. The world ash, Yggdrasil, unites the heavens with the three earthly realms and reminds me also of the Celtic Tree of Life, a symbol of union and wisdom. It reminds us that everything is cyclical and interconnected. Good reminders in a search for overflowing happiness.

Now, for some happiness! Ready. Set. Go!

Note: all quotes about Yggdrasil are from Neil Philip's The Illustrated Book of Myths: Tales and Legends of the World. Ill. Nilesh Mistry. Mississauga, ON: Fenn Publishing, 1995, p. 62.