RetrEat!

I've had a grumpy afternoon: it slushed here all day and I wore the worst possible shoes for the occasion and so played host to two little puddles that came with me to a very pleasant book launch with yummy catered foods. But, trying to focus on the good, today I also gained a very lovely supervisor, with whom I'll begin working next year, and I got to enjoy some very tasty catered food. And the latter got me to thinking about the happy glow that good food generates in my life. This afternoon it made me happy despite my two in-boot puddles!

One of the components of this Blissology way of living--including different yoga routines and meditation focuses for each day of the week--is Food Awareness. The goal here, as I understand it, is to learn to appreciate all the steps between that food's development in nature, its harvest, possibly its transport and mixing with other foods from other sources; essentially, all the steps that have led to it being on your table, about to be consumed by hungry you. Another important dimension of this goal is a focus on "prana," which is yoga-speak for 'life-force,' in your food. Basically, fresh and homemade is the best option here, as I understand it. But term papers are rolling around, others' term papers need marking, the house continues to need cleaning, socializing must happen for my own relative sanity, and somehow I need to make time also to cook as much as I can. Now, don't get me wrong here: I LOVE cooking, baking (first batch of muffins made this past weekend with great success!) but I just don't have the time to cook every meal. So how do I go about being aware of my food? I've resolved to compromise for the time being. Fancy teas from Tealish and good, ideally single-origin chocolate are my main indulgences these days. I can definitely appreciate how much work it must be to harvest tea--back-straining, if not back-breaking, work--and it then needs to be layed out to dry, some of it is cooked in various ways, some is rolled in various ways by hand, some of it is mixed with other deliciousnesses or left in rooms with aromatic plants of many different sorts to perfume it. This I've read about and can appreciate. Single origin chocolate is similarly less complex and absolutely delicious.

I think it's a worthy goal, to appreciate one's food; to make, with a little bit of effort, each feeding also a little retrEat, and I'd like to put the "Eat" into my meals, but, as with many challenges, I have to find my own way in. But good food and drink definitely make me happy, and doing yoga and at least a bit of meditation each day give me a reason to really anticipate waking up. Finally, bit by bit, I'm getting into a habit of being functional and productive (i.e. dishes washed, garbage out, yoga done, 10 mins meditation done, showered, clothes washed, class responses written, etc. in some combination of those) before noon. Adding food appreciation will only continue helping in this "upward spiral." And, for inspiration, here's an image of one of my boyfriend's yummiest specialties: pasta with a homemade tomato-cream sauce. Yum!

ReActing

What does it mean to act? And, in relative terms, what does it mean to react? Going back to what I've been taught in Vipassana meditation, acting (in the non-staged sense) is active. Surprise surprise! Therefore, acting involves consciously choosing our ways of being in the world, how each of us acts in a given situation--indeed, in each situation. But what does it mean to react then? Because I had to fight the urge to write "reacts in a given situation" above, there seems to be a conflation of actively chosen actions and reactions. The suffix "re," however, suggests auto-pilot, a doing-over, doing-again way of being in the world. Not very active, all things considered. So my next question: what's the relation of instinct in this battle between acting and reacting? Instinct is, it seems to me, frequently given as an explanation for the most common, socially-accepted reactions. But this doesn't mean that reactions, socially-sanctioned or not, are the best path towards happiness.

One of my challenges, and I suppose that this is a challenge for many people, whether or not they choose to acknowledge it, is being content with the things I have, and moving beyond contentment to appreciate them. But enough with sounding dogmatic. Because I'm often not satisfied and am too rarely grateful, I go out and buy things because the temporary satisfaction of owning one more object is enough for that moment. This past week, I went out and bought myself a meditation cushion to sit on (having been sitting on two too-small cushions when I occasionally did meditate for the past many months). I also bought this beautiful solid bronze Buddha as visible inspiration and a wonderful Nepalese singing bowl to help tune me into a better, more open place. I've promised myself that these are good investments, and the final ones in which I'll indulge for many months. It helps that I can't afford to indulge in more; either way, I need to learn how to save money, and how to restrain my need to acquire. Happiness must come from other sources from here on in.

But, how does this addiction (because, let's face it, it is an addiction) to acquiring stuff relate to reActing? My reaction to nice things that are generally affordable individually is to want to acquire all that are within my physical reach. Okay, it's not actually that bad, but it sometimes feels like it. My reaction is to buy things that I like. I can't afford to let myself keep reacting to a desire to acquire in this way, so my challenge for the month/year/life is to put an end to acquiring things. Aside from needing one more bookshelf and top-ups to my tea collection (because I drink lots of tea, so without topping it up, I'd run out!), I can't think of anything else that I need. I'm challenging myself, initially, to learn to appreciate the things--material and otherwise--that I've been so lucky to have in my life, and to learn, in time, to take real pleasure, even JOY in them. Friends are the easiest way in, for me, to this challenge of appreciating what I have. If I've got no other easy focuses for my gratitude, at least I've got the most amazing human beings to call my friends. I miss many of them, but I also love them. Love has so many versions, but for me it's closely related to an unselfish outpouring of gratitude, respect and compassion. This is what I'm so fortunate to feel towards all those people I call my friends (acquaintances are different, but for them I have at least respect). So friends are my way in to choosing gratitude and love. Choosing is not--it cannot be--reactive, not in the way that I'm meaning it. I'm choosing to ACT, having experienced enough ways, now of being towards others, that I'm aware, much deeper than intellectually, of the results of different ways of re/acting in relation to others so I'm able to choose, with deep enough awareness, to learn to appreciate those things I've got, and am aware that I'm simultaneously choosing to reject the satisfaction that I get from acquiring stuff. I'm on the hunt for deeper happiness; the kind that I will carry in my heart, a happiness that will radiate out of every pore and light up the places, people, experiences I come into contact with. It's well past time that I declare my lofty goal to the world. Acting towards radiant happiness! Ready...set...go!